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for Starting Over
make life appear so disorganized that rebuilding it seems like a daunting task.
There are strategies to reorganize and begin feeling in control again in ways
that eases the recovery process.
community. Chances are even if you remain in your home, and you are the
custodial parent, your relationships will change with everyone, even with
yourself. You will need the support, the feedback, and the connection to the
outside world that we only get through our relationships with others. A
community that you nurture will be there for you during the good, the bad, and
the ugly. A community will encourage you from the tendency to isolate yourself,
a common reaction in times of stress. Even if you are enjoying your new
autonomy, recognize it for when it looks more like withdrawal, which interferes
with the ease of recovery.
work, which always suffers some during a divorce. Reorganization means that you
will naturally question every part of your life, including your work. Perhaps
youíve had your eyes on a particular job, but your ex-spouse was against it.
Perhaps you are just reentering the job market, and itís overwhelming. In
either case, it is smart not to make any hasty decisions, and seek the
assistance of career counselors to help the process of discovery or change
related to work if that is desired. Change is inevitable; it might as well be
proactive. This is a good time to be more selfish, and rediscover your true
passions in case they have been lost in the process of divorce.
You will be
experiencing many mixed emotions, but the most common one that undermines the
decision-making process and debilitates the ease of recovery, is anger.
Decisions made in anger always seem that they are about the other person, blame,
revenge. But, in reality, anger is a sign that we are very unhappy with
ourselves for previous decisions, or feeling foolish or even ashamed for putting
up with things that made us feel betrayed. Look at anger as a sign for your
distress, but donít act on it. Rather, find situations and people that will
guide you toward proactive decisions. Focus on actions that will bring you back
to your own life, because that is where you need to live. Let the other person
live theirs. Anger is a reaction to a situation that is upsetting.
Reorganization is a response-ability to take control.