Child-Centered Solutions: How to Create Happy Endings Through Divorce and Beyond!
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
More than a decade ago I was a parent facing divorce. I experienced the emotional roller-coaster that seems to be an inevitable part of the process -- including fear, anger, resentment, stress, relief, anxiety, sadness and, of course, the inevitable guilt.
My son was eleven years old at the time. He loved both his Mom and Dad. I knew he'd be devastated at the news. I wanted to protect him, minimize his own emotional turmoil - to somehow make this "right."
Thankfully I made some wise decisions at some critical junctures during the process. I came up with a concept for breaking the news to my son that I share in my new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! Through time I learned a lot more.
I learned mistakes to avoid and positive ways to create harmonious outcomes with both my son and my ex. I learned strategies to enhance our communication and decisions that inevitably result in tension and turmoil. In this column I will share with you insights I’ve developed through co-parenting post-divorce for more than a decade. I will also share the wisdom of many top experts in the field – discussing how to move beyond divorce from the emotional, physical, mental, financial, legal, spiritual and psychological perspectives.
No two divorces are the same. Therefore there are no cookie-cutter answers to your questions nor is there one single path to divorce success. This column can not substitute for individual therapy or personal advice related to your particular issues. Rarely are solutions black and white because the complexities of inter-personal relationships are filled with shades of gray. When we step out of the perspective of right and wrong, good guys and bad guys, we are much more likely to find real workable resolutions for real families.
One thing is for certain. If you are reading this column, you love your children. And you are transitioning through one of life's greatest challenges. I know you want to create the best possible outcome - for yourself, your children and your family (regardless of your relationship with your former spouse).
I chose to follow the principles of creating a Child-Centered Divorce and it worked for my family with great success. Today my son is a veterinarian, who recently got married.
One of the most gratifying moments in my life came when he was a young adult. He approached me one day and said he understood why his Dad and I got divorced. He thanked us for putting his emotional needs first in making our divorce decisions. Can you imagine anything more healing in your life than having your children accept, understand and forgive you for the divorce? It was an honor and a blessing I will never forget – and I wish for you all.
Years later my son honored me again by writing the Introduction to my new book.
In this limited space I will address many of the issues loving parents need to resolve in creating a child-centered divorce. You’ll discover many success strategies used by real families facing the same challenges as you face today. And you may also uncover some of the areas that you can reframe, revisit or approach from a new perspective -- all for the sake of your children.
I value your comments and questions which you can leave on my blog at http://www.childcentereddivorce.com. I send you my best wishes for peace, harmony and the healing blessing of love as you transition through divorce and beyond.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT